Monday, November 15, 2010

Win Date Night at Rockburn Cross

Hello Masters.  Look at your wife.  Now back to me.  Now back to your wife.  Now back to me.  Sadly, she isn’t an anthropomorphized cyclocross race, but if you race Rockburn Cross, you could win one fewer night on the couch because of me.

Now look at my list of sponsors.  Do you see the Intercontinental Harbor Court Baltimore?  Do you know what the Intercontinental Harbor Court Baltimore is?  Its a 5-star hotel.  Five, people.  How many of you have ever spent a night in a 5-star hotel?  How many of you are even allowed in a 5-star hotel?  I’m not, but I’m just a bike race.  The winner of the 35+ 1/2/3 race and the winner of the 55+ race will each win a one-night stay and breakfast for two at the Harbor Court, which overlooks Baltimore’s Inner Harbor (rarely featured on The Wire!).  That’s right, Date Night!  You win, and then you win again.  So hose off the Toaster, put on some cologne that doesn't contain cayenne pepper extracts (unless that's how you roll), and take your sweetheart out for a night on the town.

B Masters, not feeling any love?  The winner of your race wins a 3-course dinner including a bottle of wine at Brightons in the Harbor Court.

45+, not feeling any love?  Maryland Physical Therapy is sponsoring your own purse, 5 places deep.  None of it from the Harbor Court, but you do get to double dip from the overall Masters prize list too.  So you could win Date Night and...physical...therapy.  Because.  Well.  You know...

Ladies, not feeling any love?  The winner of the Cat 3 race wins afternoon tea for 4 at Brightons in the Harbor Court.  Four people, people!

Young guns, not feeling any love?  Tough.  Respect your elders and your ladies.  Respect them by inviting them along to help use your gift certificate to Brightons or the Explorers Lounge.

Anyone else not feeling any love?  There shall be swag or cash many places deep, and all who receive prizes shall rejoice and be glad.  And those who receive pie shall rejoice more.

I’m on a bike. *cue jaunty whistling*

No comments:

Post a Comment